Well, I suppose you aren’t faring well and aren’t likely to, and that’s the issue, eh.
You started out feisty and fuzzy, bouncy and pert, and oh-so-cute on June 15.
But you needed more humidity, lost some of your bounce, and I didn’t have a humidifier.
On June 21, I stuck you in a cloche.
Then I gave you some air on June 25 cause you smelled a little earthy (which is probably OK) and you wilted almost immediately.
And I thought, OK, you really need that cloche! And you seemed dry, so I gave you some water too.
But lo, by July 2, you developed a lot of — mold? A fungus?
So, with your friend Ympäri Pyöreä, I decided on June 3 evening that we were done.
I took you outside and opened the cloche and a cloud gently drifted out from your slimy, damp, wilted strands. Your soil was soggy. You were too gross for the empty green bin, so I collected some dried weeds to line the bin, then dumped you in.
Such is your resting place, Ferris. Go forth, break down, and become part of something more.
Thank you for teaching me the beginnings of the importance of managing humidity in my plant environment, and giving me the lesson with alacrity. It will be some time before I try fern and moss-style plants again! And with more research in advance.
Let’s get some plants. Let’s get some plants. Let’s get some plants. Let’s get some plants.
Maybe I got too many? I mean, this whole weekend was all about
Plants. Plants. Plants. Oh, my God, plants.
brought my humidifier to the dining room and set it up for the plants. And then my essential oil diffuser (sans oils).
checked root systems, removed crunchy leaves/rotting roots, and repotted soleirolia soleirolii, aloe vera, divided oxalis, pothos props, spider plant props, kalanchoe props, and string of dolphin props into terra cotta pots to improve evaporation rate of water
repotted calathea lancifolia and philodendron brasil into custom planter pots to fit inside wall-mounted cachepots
moved plants around to desired light/humidity areas
started eleven other plant-bio stories (since I was already researching ideal light, humidity, and soil conditions, I noted them down and filled out some other bio areas, including capturing photos for most plants)
went out to by glass covers for soleirolia soleirolii, salaginella, and calathea ornata (but calaethea ornata didn’t quite fit the container I bought it and might not really need it, so OK for now)
searched amazon to order: humidifier, humidistat, activated charcoal for eventual terrarium for salaginella, yellow sticky paper to trap infesting insects, 3-in-1 moisture/light/pH soil meter (surprise! Husband already had just the one I wanted! And he gave it to me.)
determined there are spider mites on my jade; treated it and the nearby-sitting string of turtles with a pray bottle of rosemary essential oil + water; moved them to isolation (they should have started in isolation; will know that for future purchases)
added cinnamon to wounds on leaves to promote healing (will it work? Recommended by a friend. Excited to see.)
Plants. These plants rule. These plants suck. These plants rule. These plants suck.
I love them. They are amazing. I hate them. My obsession is killing me. I have no thoughts, no life, except:
Plants. Plants. Plants. Oh, my God, plants. These plants rule. Having few plants sucks. Having not enough plants sucks. Not buying even one plant that I want sucks!
I also researched more plants to buy. I didn’t… I only added to my online shopping cart in three local stores…
I think you have too many plants. Shut up! I think you have too many plants. Shut up! I think you have too many plants. Shut up! I think you have too many plants. Shut up!
But… I might have too many plants. They’re all I could think about this weekend. But I’m also happy. So shut up!
Stupid boy. Stupid boy. Let’s get some plants. Let’s party.
Husband is indulging me after years of denying me plants. I am buying so many.
These plants are three hundred dollars. These plants are three hundred dollars. These plants are three hundred fucking dollars. Let’s get ‘em!
I mean, aren’ttheybeautiful? I also watched several hours worth of YouTube videos about plants. And rare plants. And plant care. And plant trends.
Um…your room runs small. I don’t think your plants are gonna fit. I mean, these plants are kinda big.
So I’ll just stick them on more walls! I can put them on the floor — just walk around them! More shelves! More hanging pots! More! More Moooaaaar!
Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh, by the way betch, FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU plants those plants are mine betch betch betch gimme those fuckin’ plants betch betch betch betch betch